Bong Water Pipeline Resumes Operation

Dispatches from the Highlands

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Despite a season of protests that drew crowds from across the globe, construction of the bong water pipeline was completed last month and began pumping dank, putrid bong water away from the city this week. But officials, who say the abrupt launch was somewhat political, admit that no safeguards or regulations were set in place, much less lunch breaks.
   That puts the project in peril, according to canngineers. Like the bong water that burst on Mount Satchelkin, soaking a local village in contaminated, rancid filth, the new pipeline was a highly-sought reeferendum item but could bring with it certain damage. “There’s almost nothing worse than a couple drops of bong water in your lap,” said geobowlogist Chris Shrofe. “Now imagine floating down your sidewalk in a canoe. That’s what happened up in Monarch Township.”
   Opponents say the pipe will shuttle away long-overdue residue and stink, and create jobs. But the question is whether enough work has already been put in, enough to prevent the nasty spills. “There are reports of some workers literally duct-taping pieces together to make this happen,” Shrofe said. “In the old days we would’ve had 100 of the top glass blowers creating one long pipe from an arsenal of discarded bowls, steamrollers -- and now, it’s a bunch of amateur MacGyver’s, hired by the state. We’re pretty sure they’re using discarded bubblers and gravity bongs made from plastic bottles.”

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