Bong Water Pipeline Resumes Operation

Dispatches from the Highlands

News from CannaTown
Printed bi-monthly in CANNAPAGES Print directory
$4.20 Cents

Despite a season of protests that drew crowds from across the globe, construction of the bong water pipeline was completed last month and began pumping dank, putrid bong water away from the city this week. But officials, who say the abrupt launch was somewhat political, admit that no safeguards or regulations were set in place, much less lunch breaks.
   That puts the project in peril, according to canngineers. Like the bong water that burst on Mount Satchelkin, soaking a local village in contaminated, rancid filth, the new pipeline was a highly-sought reeferendum item but could bring with it certain damage. “There’s almost nothing worse than a couple drops of bong water in your lap,” said geobowlogist Chris Shrofe. “Now imagine floating down your sidewalk in a canoe. That’s what happened up in Monarch Township.”
   Opponents say the pipe will shuttle away long-overdue residue and stink, and create jobs. But the question is whether enough work has already been put in, enough to prevent the nasty spills. “There are reports of some workers literally duct-taping pieces together to make this happen,” Shrofe said. “In the old days we would’ve had 100 of the top glass blowers creating one long pipe from an arsenal of discarded bowls, steamrollers -- and now, it’s a bunch of amateur MacGyver’s, hired by the state. We’re pretty sure they’re using discarded bubblers and gravity bongs made from plastic bottles.”

More Dispatches

Team at Barry's Big Blunts Eager to Figure Skate in Beijing Games

Team at Barry's Big Blunts Eager to Figure Skate in Beijing Games

January 27, 2022

A group of sweaty, somewhat dirty men in flannel shirts gliding across the…

August Cannascopes

August Cannascopes

August 11, 2020

Discover Your Fortune!

Aries - You’re beginning to suspect that it…

Album Notes - Lime Cordiale and Idris Elba - Cordi Elba

Album Notes - Lime Cordiale and Idris Elba - Cordi Elba

February 17, 2022

A couple of years after it concluded in 2008, I began watching The

Sign up

Removing Forum Post

Are you sure?

You must be logged in, in order to check out. The login button below will redirecct you back to this menu once done.

Your Order

Are you sure you wish to cancel your order?

What time will this order be ready?

Coupon Adjust