Bud Cruise Runs Ashore

Bud Cruise Runs Ashore

May 19, 2022

Pandemonium seems to have struck on the east banks of Cannatown Bay. A party cruiseline ship, destined for a joy-ride around the harbor, crashed just moments after departure in what witnesses described as “a B-line for the rocks.” Although there don’t appear to be any major injuries, it would appear most passengers are leaving the boat now, on their own accord, carrying what nuggetry and novelties they can carry.

The Bay Bud Cruise cruise, which operates weekdays out of Cannatown Marina, promises all-you-can-smake bud and dab service as you tour the city waterways. The boat is known for full buffets of infused feasts including glazed ham and filet mignon. Each passenger’s chair has a built-in hookah hose constantly flowing with the Durban Poison and other great smake burned in the vessel’s main chambers. A cloud of think velvety vapor hangs everywhere; simply to stand aboard, is to be blazed. 

It’s unclear, then, how the boat smashed into the shore just moments after departure. 

“The captain was just yelling, shit, shit! And whirling the wheel all over the place. Nobody really knew who he was, maybe it was his first day?” reported a crew member seen departing the ship. No one else dressed as captain or crew members have been spotted, although it’s likely they’ve nihilistically blended in with the others, who are currently still looting the ship.

The Bud Bay Cruise line is also infamous for its crashing into shore, which happens up to 5 times per week. At 50 fathoms, today’s crash is fairly successful, falling ahead of the bell curve in terms of distance from port. The shortest such crash came last year around this time, when it was accidentally launched in reverse, partially smashing the concrete wall behind it.