CannaScopes April 2014

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Dispatches from the Highlands

Marijuana news from contributing authors and staff writers on the latest in marijuana and medical marijuana

December 5, 2016
Denver, CO

CANNASCOPES : Discover Your Fortune!

JAN - You’ll never forget when you looked into the night sky and told your friend it would all be legal some day and that we’d all get high. But you also joked that you’d traveled back in time to tell her, and now she’s really weirded out.

FEB - It’s been said that you can measure a man by what he does with power...but I ask, are we measuring in inches? Meters? Can we use a ruler? Why are we measuring a man?

MARCH - Tonight you will be visited thrice by the ghost of Wesley Willis, and together, rock over London, then rock on Chicago, and finally eat Wheaties, the Breakfast of Champions.

APRIL - You’re the only person you know that still hasn’t gone out to buy some bud. But deep down, there’s something urgently tugging on your gut. It’s the meatball sandwich you had for lunch. Now get to a dispensary!

MAY - There are just some people who will never truly believe in the power of Cannabis until we can give some to a werewolf on live television.

JUNE - Fifty percent off 1/8ths down the road. What? Yeah, at that store down the road. Do I have your attention now? I asked you to do the laundry yesterday.


JULY - Even though you got Rosetta’s Stone, you never thought it would be this hard to learn a second language while medicated. Well, C’est la vie, amigo.

AUG - The fruits of your labor will be pears, kiwi, and fine melon. Eat them quick, because they spoil early this time of year.

SEPT - In a quest to finally build the quintessential smoking apparatus, you constructed a gas-powered snowblower-bong that could pump water up a small chute. Of course, it eventually flooded your basement, but you still got pretty baked.

OCT - Even though you don’t really miss Mordor, you’ll always miss the close connection that you felt with your Precious.

NOV - Look, it doesn’t matter what that crazy neighbor says; you’ve never run around wearing only a sweater vest, and lit a giant bucket-fire in the alley dumpster. Turtle-neck, maybe, but never a sweater vest. God forbid.

DEC - Your friends keep telling you about some Cambodian jungle sativa they want you to find, when it finally dawns on you, woah! You live in Cambodia now! Right in the jungle!

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