CannaScopes April 2015

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Dispatches from the Highlands

Marijuana news from contributing authors and staff writers on the latest in marijuana and medical marijuana

December 7, 2016
Denver, CO

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Aries - Looking back, it wasn’t that the good ol’ days were all that great, but your paper route money sure seemed to go alot further.

Taurus - Even the dab-bus drivers had to admit: your dab-houseboat was infinitely cooler, until everyone onboard got tired of waiting for high tide on the desert plain.

Gemini - You will inherit 50 pounds of prime bud from a long-lost European uncle. Then, you will awake from the dream and become the empty shell of a man for the rest of your life.

Cancer - The fact that your mom not only made your favorite strain of earwax, but somehow churned out a whole mason jar of the stuff for your birthday has you suspect, nay, bat-shit confused about the entire universe.

Leo - It wasn’t so much the heartbreak that made you cry, but the slap in the face, 2 cans of pepper spray, and swift kick to the groin.

Virgo - Simply enrolling in a cannabis college doesn’t make you a knowledgeable smoker. It takes time and practice, and you have to do your homework, and research, and get good grades. Then, and only then, will your friends finally respect you for being a total Tetra-nerd.

Libra - Before re-burying the time capsule for the big ceremony, you will smoke the entire ½ pound of nugs left therein by the town’s founders, but leave the bag of brick-weed...to be fair.

Scorpio - If the screaming women and children weren’t headache enough, this itchy clown costume has you limping and howling like a wounded hunchback.

Sagittarius - Although the ski lift operators reportedly don’t accept “green passes” anymore, you’re hoping they’ll accept your red pass: one full, fresh pint of blood.

Capricorn - Sometimes you find that the best of friends are the worst of buddies. I don’t know. Pack me another bowl, Jimbo.

Aquarius - A lightbulb just went off in your head. Call for an ambulance and prepare for neurosurgery.

Pisces - You will start talking to this guy that needs a few bucks for the bus, and something about him’s really familiar, until finally he says his name is Jerry Garcia, and you walk a few steps away and then realize, holy cow man, Jerry’s dead, and you’ll turn around--and the guy’s disappeared. But it turns out he was behind the lampost, and he still needs like three bucks. Oh, and it was a different Jerry Garcia.

 

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