CannaScopes: Discover your Fortune!

Marijuana Industry News

Dispatches from the Highlands

Marijuana news from contributing authors and staff writers on the latest in marijuana and medical marijuana

May 22, 2018
San Francisco, CA

Here's our Cannastrologers' discoveries for first quarter 2015. But be warned: they could come to pass - and your life just may be changed forever! Find and share yours with a friend today.

Aries - Your week-long craving for bud will sink to a new level, when your paycheck is late and you resort to making cocktails with bong water.

Taurus - This romantic fling will hit the same snag as always, when you’re both stoned to high heaven, and she absolutely refuses to play with your collection of pogs.

Gemini - Sometimes you just have to stop and say, woah, maybe I’m too big for the ball-pit at Chuck E. Cheese.

Cancer - What needs saying about a strain’s potency, when you pick up a 2ft-diameter wheel of caraway cheddar and attempt to walk straight out of the Whole Foods to your fishing hole?

Leo - You guys were all excited to play dab-til-you-drop, until somebody shat in the sink after the electricity went out.

Virgo - That eighth of yours was grown by Jimmy Carter’s brother while he was in office. Yep, they called it Billy Bud. Not worth much money, really. But hang onto it, ‘cause it might be, some day.

Libra - Even though this is your first trip to Wal-Mart in ages, you absolutely must resist the temptation to get an “As-Seen-On-TV” Home Vasectomy Kit.

The stars have aligned and you're now invited to Cannapages' 5 Year Birthday Spectacular with Sublime tribute band 40oz to Freedom! Click here to RSVP now to this private party at the Roxy Theatre in Denver!

Scorpio - You broke up with your lover days before Valentine’s, just to smoke the entire ganja gift basket to yourself--complete with the hash-rolled blunt, 2 giant buds and heart-shaped tin of wax. There’s no fortune here, we just think it was pretty ballsy.

Sagittarius - There may be no stupider way of looking at the situation, than through goggles on a pogo-stick.

Capricorn - Remember, go right after the McDonalds, up 3 blocks and turn left. Oh, I forgot, then a sharp right after the first block. That’s when you see that broken fountain. Hurry over, Jerry’s rollin’ a Pineapple Express cross-joint!

Aquarius - You’re not the kind of person to let the silly statistical-unlikelihood of finding a rabid bobcat in your garage deter you from actually doing it.

Pisces - As the sun rises, so shall it set. But this is not guaranteed, without your initials on line E7.

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