Doomsday Marchers Downtown Encourage Repentance, Bud Donation to Doomsday Marchers Downtown

Marijuana Industry News

Dispatches from the Highlands

Marijuana news from contributing authors and staff writers on the latest in marijuana and medical marijuana

May 20, 2018
San Francisco, CA

A group has been demonstrating in downtown CannaTown this week, flustering passersby with doomsday chants and speaking in tongues. Citizens are urged to avoid the group at all costs, and not to accept invitations to match bowls.
   They will not be matched, authorities say.
   “These trouble-makers scream that the end is near, and to give them your bud,” said Earl Goodwin, Chief of Peace. “As far as we know, the end is not near.”
   “The important thing is to not encourage by paying them attention, discussing the end, or giving them cannabis.” reiterated Goodwin. “I just want to say that we always welcome bud donations at the Department of Peace, 125 Sinsemilla, Suite B. We’re always grilling out.”
   The nay-sayers, nick-named by local shop-owners as the “Bum-Me Ten,” has been staging the camp-in since last Thursday, when they arrived in a broken-down van. Although they have enough money to fix the van, they’re trying to collect enough bud to last through summer of 2017 in their native home of Portage, Wisconsin.
   The Dept of Cannassimilation will soon offer them amnesty, a shower, and job through the city’s successful Work-to-Chief program, if they choose to stay. Otherwise, Goodwin noted, there would come a fine line between the Bill of Rights, and disturbing the piece. “That huge glass bubbler in the town square is one of the greatest pieces ever constructed,” he said, tear-struck.
   “125 Sinsemilla, Suite B. We’re always grilling out.” he added.
   At the time of this report, civilians near the scene were somewhat, if not, not at all, rattled by the snores and groans coming from the “Bum-Me Seven,” who were strewn across their signs and picnic tables in sleeping bags.
   Authorities warned that the group makes it simple to donate bud, either in the huge onsite bucket, or, via swift mobile credit card transaction. “We promise to use the money solely on bud,” said ring-leader Harold Orlowski. “You have our word that it will not go towards birthday presents, groceries, rent, tuition, or anything of that nature.”
   Some in the neighborhood have still donated, warning or not. “I gave them my biggest nugget,” said a lovely little grandma named Maureen. “I thought about shushin’ em back, but heck, my stash will get me through the next decade!”
   Maureen agreed to consider further bud donation to the Department of Peace, and local CannaTown news corps.


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