Düber Rolls Out Dirt-Cheap Moving
In what many say will all but destroy the local moving industry, national ride app Düber has expanded its offering of services to include residential moving. Following up on the success of Düber Munchies Now and Düber Door-to-Door VHS Rentals, the company said app users will be able to hire 1-2 stoned movers at the "drop of a slow moving hat," and can expect to transport, at minimum, a 1-bedroom apartment worth of furnishings, assuming they can be "stacked up to 20 feet high in an open-roof sedan without being crushed."
With a moving fee of only $4.20, competing Cannatown movers such as proprietor Benny Young of "Truck Buddies" said his business will almost certainly suffer. "We can't come anywhere close to that price," he said, "unless we send Grandma in her minivan."
"And she can barely lift a piano," Young added.
"During this turbulent period of mass evictions, we don't anticipate that those moving residences will be able to afford it," said Düber spokesperson Gennifer Gibbs, "and frankly, they won't have to."
However, some customers are not so convinced, such as Becky Seeley, who just Düber-moved accross town. "My clothes were strewn all over the road, my collection of Sherlock bubblers is broken and I never did find my goldfish," she said. "Oh well, I guess you get what you pay for."