I saw Kanye West announced his presidency and it got me thinkin’, here's a guy with some real skills, and some hella-free publicity--but then I was like, what about all that weird shit with Taylor Swift? And the terrible song about Chick-fil-A? Seriously, he's the best we got? Then I realized, man, why don't I just run for president?

So that's it duders, I'm running. And like, you should too. We should all run for president. 

How else can we see who's really the best? And like, how else can we have someone actually do our bidding except to get in there ourselves and control the ship? It's every man for himself now. Every man for his own presidency. 

The only alternative? We could all, like, secede. Let's all be our own little countries with our own currencies and laws, and let's, like, do business only with people that, you know, admire us and give us free stuff, right?

By all means if you don't agree that's fine because, you know, you're your own country, man. And you're the freakin president! You can do anything!

Like, when I'm president, I'm gonna take a shit-ton of vacations to my timeshare and make my security pay me to stay there with me! Am I right? I mean, I guess you can just do that these days. I'm not sure how the budget works or where the money comes from but….come on, you're the president!

Maybe after a few years, your country would merge, or, like, unite with mine to share resources and trade and army and stuff. Then our united person-states could do some amazing things together. But right now I think maybe we all just need some time apart. To collectively reach some kind of anarchy-zen. You get that feelin’ too?

Anyway, can you sign this petition to get my name on the ballot? I only have three so far.