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Dispatches from the Highlands

Printed bi-monthly in CANNAPAGES Print directory
News from CannaTown
May 26, 2019
$4.20 Cents

Man Suffers Bout of Led Zeppelin Poisoning

Dispatches May 25, 2019

Medics had to rush a local resident, Gus Halvorson, to be treated for Led Zeppelin poisoning, after friends found him wandering the streets in the middle of the night, singing the opening to Immigrant Song over and over again. 

“At first we thought he was choking on his beer,” said buddy Brett Taylor. “But then he…

Album Notes - Holly Herndon - PROTO

Erickson May 20, 2019

"Why am I so lost?" asks Holly Herndon on "Crawler," the fifth track of PROTO. It's a sentiment many can relate to, especially in a day and age where technology has taken over the world, and the line between man and machine has become increasingly blurred. That distinction, or rather lack thereof, is perhaps best exemplified here…

Social Media Stunned as horse Bongexpress races Jockey-less, High

Dispatches May 19, 2019

War of Weed was the War Horse to beat at Baltimore’s Preakness Smakes on Saturday, but the truly highest horse was Bongexpress.

The horse pulled one of his signature high moves, accidentally tripping over his own shoes on the way out the door, head-flipping jockey Joint Velazquez straight off. As the jockey called after, shouting “It’s okay…

Smells Ain't Free

Purp May 16, 2019

Don’t pretend ya’ didn’t see me. You were lookin my direction since you walked in the room and I was showin’ the stanky dank to Rollo. That’s right. I got that Purp. You been enjoyin’ her smooth aroma. And I’m tellin’ you right now, son, smells ain’t free.

I shouldn’t have to tell you that! Where you from…

Album Notes - Cosmo Sheldrake - The Much Much How How and I

Erickson May 13, 2019

Cosmo Sheldrake has an out of this world name to match a sound that seems to have been assembled by the musical gods.

Yes, the 28-year-old Englishman's real name is in fact Cosmo Sheldrake. Yes, his debut LP is actually called The Much Much How How and I. No, I don't have any idea what that means…

Energy "Toke'ns"

Cousin D May 13, 2019

Today’s concoction is like a zap of energy, a marathoner’s munchie. Camping? Hiking? Outdoor adventure on the radar? Why eat protein bars and smoke, when you can just as easily pack several dozen super-delicious “toke’ns” to whisk you higher and higher whilst you climb? With this recipe, the busy work really comes down to simply gathering the ingredients…

Album Notes - Vampire Weekend - Father of the Bride

Erickson May 6, 2019

It's been six long years...

There is an ongoing debate in the record industry about how to set up the release of a new album. The strategy that is winning the battle in this "what have you done for me lately" world in which artists need to maintain a foothold in the public's consciousness without ever exiting…

I Found a Beaner in My Satchel

Mr. Polkadots May 3, 2019

A lot of people have been asking why I’ve been looking down lately, for the last hour or so, and I’m finally ready to admit it: I found a beaner in my satchel. There, I said it. I’m not ashamed to admit it, although I’m really not even sure what it means. I feel naked, disoriented, like I’m in continuous…

Album Notes - Cage the Elephant - Social Cues

Erickson May 1, 2019

The ascendancy of Cage the Elephant continues to amaze me. They’ve certainly come a long way since 2008’s extremely Beck-like “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked.” As the Kentucky crew keeps pumping out quality tunes, each album deservedly earns them a bigger audience. I was downright bewildered when I checked their tour dates. Not because the sextet would be traversing…

The Dispatches Guide to Workplace Success

Dispatches May 1, 2019

Summer is almost here! And with it, comes the annual hiring season and job fairs as Cannatown’s top employers search for the best cann-didates! Some will start as resin-scrapers or bong-loaders, or take seasonal gigs like playing reggae on the boardwalk, while the newest grads from Cannatown University may go into botany and seed banking. We asked local employee support…

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