Expert review of user experience coupled with cannabinoid potency testing and weed pics of Pineapple Sage Shatter from Herbal Wellness of Lafayette, Colorado

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October 26, 2016
Denver, CO

   Not all ear wax/shatter specimens get the celebrity treatment at CannaCritiques, but there was no way we could try Alternative Wellness Clinic’s version of Pineapple Sage, without awarding a Cream Of The Crop. The medley pairs a Sativa/Afghani “Equilibrium” with a descendent of Ed Rosenthal’s original Super Bud seeds, integrating Afghani, Hindu Kush, Mexico, Thailand, and Africa; essentially, a world-traveler. Her aroma was dark and sweet, but no piña colada. The crumble came with near-perfect stickiness, and she was bittersweet on the lips.

    The first hit was a humdinger, more than enough for even a Colorado native. It left us gasping for normalcy, with heart pounding through the chest and a compressed head. It was excellent. The effects coursed through all parts of the body, from a block on the brow to a buzzing in the abdomen. The immediate high was strongly narcotic, and reminiscent of pre-surgical anesthesia.

    A sole hit was as good as puffing a full bowl, and definitely a one-hitter (or even, half). We didn’t need to go back for more. We flopped onto the local furniture, enjoying the definitive heaviness. Major pains and inflammation were zapped. Munchies struck within ten minutes, but terribly light. She was a bit jittery, and slightly paranoid.

    A few reviewers attempted higher dosage, reporting total inebriation and “divine clarity” after four hits. Dizziness was noted but wasn’t severe. “You can be sitting in a chair and safe one instant,” a critic wrote, “and then the world is spinning around you in the next.” It certainly showed; they looked like the world was shaking them down. Dosage didn’t really matter in the end, though. We were all goners, jettisoned in deep space.

    This connoisseur selection is not for public use, or the depressed and lonely. Find a safe environment where you won’t be bothered for at least an hour or two. And avoid sharp objects. Over time, the strain unwinds as a creative story-teller, with phases of sluggish disorientation. Reviewers who were wired, became more wired, and those who were tired, napped. At some point our heavy limbs and clumsiness added to occasional frustrations.

    Ultimately, the combination of Pineapple and Sage–especially, in concentrated form–yielded a meticulous and long-term high, thoughtful and philosophical, poetic and numb. We were enlightened with rare wisdom, only to forget it by the end.

Published on December 15, 2013
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