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Cannatown is a quaint and tranquil city built upon the confluence of the mighty IcyBong and Resinald Rivers, amidst the misty foothills of the Highlands. It was originally founded by J. Van Cannaby the first, who had wandered into the river valley while panning for bowls. Upon finding himself in the lush pastures with sparkling flower, he quickly made a hearth to spark great heaps in a mighty bonfire for himself and his posse -- and, as legend goes, exclaimed "Eureka" or, "I have found it!" Today the J. Van Cannaby name still remains atop the city Seal, and, as demanded in his dying will and testament, every Mayor since has been a direct descendent.
While long considered one of the world's highest cities due to elevation, only its citizens--many, avid climbers--fully recognize Cannatown's role as gateway to some of the most beautiful country on this earth, beginning with rolling pastures of cannabis crops on all sides. The mid-sized metropolis is also buffered by a circle of neighboring townships, villages and suburbs, such as Spliffington Falls and Hash Creek, and the lowlands of Shwagsbury and Steem’s Point, in the harsher nearby terrains.
The city’s main economic staple is Cannabis. Households pay into the public utility for monthly supply of flower, dabs, edibles and smakeables sourced from the city’s public gardens -- a gigantic operation which employs just over half the city’s residents. Another 30% work in the private cannabis industry, tending private gardens, small local boutiques for travelers to the Highlands, Highlands trinkets and baubles, schools and training (such as the renowned Cannatown University), or even museums and strain-centric emporiums, as in the case of regular Dispatches columnist and owner of Purp’s Purp, Bertrand DePurp. At least 2% are involved in mining, which includes refining and processing of scraped Highlands resin in some of the city’s most depraved industrial areas.
Dispatches from the Highlands, the city’s sole periodical, was the Cannatown Register from its founding in 1879 until about 1928, when a managing editor noticed that “Register” was added in error to the newspaper registration form by an early, high intern. Always the public forum for an old-school population, the paper has reported on some of the most hard-hitting stories of our time, such as:
The Dispatches family is proud to present completely unique content -- a cannacopia of squibs, lifestyle columns, reviews and deals from across the globe. The publication is written and edited by a mostly-ripped team of writers headquartered in the heart of Cannatown, and assisted by their old friends, the columnists of CANNAPAGES including:
You can read the stories from Dispatches in every bi-monthly installment of CANNAPAGES -- or find the most updated stories on Dispatches.
Bordering greater Cannatown and surrounding regions (Roachville, Spliffington Falls, Flowerton, Dab City, Bongfield, and others) to the west, lay the majestic Highlands. It is a mystical land, some say, the most magical of mountain ranges in the world. Nobody quite knows what topography awaits just beyond the foothills -- there have been reports of deep, dark tunnels, griffins and oracles, slow moving rivers full of floating villagers, and peaks, everywhere you look, peeking out from the cloudy mist, into the brilliant sun, which shines upon the alpine gardens--but these are all just reports, tales, if you will, about a strange place that seems to defy logic and evade science.
The expansive mountain range hosts an estimated nine of the world’s ten highest peaks, including Mt. Everhigh, the Dabberhorn, and Mt. Kilabongjaro. This is all speculation of course, as documenting the experience by any scientific means is nearly impossible. Researchers that high have been unable to make clear arguments, much less, put sentences together. At a slightly lower elevation, the middle hills and parks are inhabited by expert growers who cultivate sparkling crystal-covered crops well-suited to the climes. They also work as porters, transporting the bales of flower, as well as barrels of hash oil and melon-sized hand-rolled hash balls, down from the family-run villages and tourist towns that still produce them, to the vendors in our quiet metropolis.
The heights just outside of Cannatown are known as Sierra Nedaba, a somewhat nonchalant and mellow plain rolling into abrupt yet laidback hillsides jutting into each other. The territory lacks developed tourist stops, and is known to lead (depending on starting place and general misdirection) to the scribbly Stem Forest, and in extreme cases--when traversed severely west--Resin Desert. Neither geographical area is considered part of the Highlands realm -- although many a wayward traveler has found themself wandering thither.
The altitude presents an increasing risk of getting lost the higher you go, as in the case of Captain William Forsythe, whose prolonged absence startled readers years ago. Yet it is hard to deter the local explorers and treasure-hunters enchanted by the vast uncharted regions, each which carry legendary folklore of utter wonder. One such legend is that of St. Nickeljoint, renowned Christember icon, who returns each year from an undiscovered garden to stash “110% THC” kind bud in the stockings of wise cadets.
Large valleys give way to the terraced gardens and the higher foothills of the North, near Mt. Satchelkin and the historic (yet controversial) Bongwater Pipeline. Originally these valleys were sparsely populated but known for a good amount of art. A high volume of sleepy travelers prompted the need for the city on the lake, a pseudo half-way point to the top of the highlands, but the end-all place that many crashed early. Seasoned climbers will tell you that the trail becomes treacherous near the stairs and falls -- the waterfall is a major hydrologic barrier in the Ice lake. Rivers converge in candelabra patterns to pummel through the rock, forming steep, narrow gorges. Travel is difficult but many fly if continuing, others choose the best place to plummet and float down.
Here we present one of our first published documents on the area:
DISPATCHES' GUIDE TO THE HIGHLANDS - TOURIST EDITION
A summer in the Highlands hearkens back to the good ol’ idyllic days of vacation that seem now to exist only in dream and memory. From relaxation to adventure, our neighboring alpine playground offers much in the form of escape and solitude, both desperately sought luxuries in these strange times. This guide highlights some of the best spots to camp out and tour during your rampage through the Highlands, should you be so fortunate “get away” from the hectic world this season.
Throughout the Highlands, mountain folk from everywhere know and revere the philosophers of CannaEpiphany, where one who studies in the ways of the Cannabis walks in “CannaWisdom.” The customary greeting of this high oracle is to raise one’s hand and stare at it in marvel for no less than two minutes. Listen to the raving mad sidewalk philosophers, create your own metaphysical experimental art, or stay for the midnight freakouts. The quaint charm is worth the visit, but watch out for the roaming herd of “deep-thinking” guitar-players.
Wander Wonder Trails
These aptly-named walkways will lead you on a winding, meandering ascent to nowhere, but one that is scenic and serene as long as you don’t begin your climb from Stem Forest (it can be an extremely harsh traverse). Editors recommendation: Red Eye Pass.
The anti-gravitational quick- sand flats of Doldrums are a spectacle. Visitors are cautioned to wear heavy boots to avoid bouts of weightlessness and ensuing vertigo. It is here that the scientific phenomenon of ambiguous time prevails. There is absolutely no way to measure the passage of time, meaning that local travel can sometimes take seconds, while routine tasks like washing the dishes can literally take days.
Come see the gateway open to a higher, more illuminous destination: space. Launch from Cape Cannaveral, high on Mt. Obliteration. But first, you’ll have to show that you have the gumption through a series of tests at Cannedy Space Center. It’s said that only 1 in 10,000 applicants have the stamina to go so high without burning out.
Resin Mine Tours
Take a tour of the still-operational mines of Resinville, on the border of the great Resin Desert. But plan on staying in Sugarleaf, the distillery-extraction town just 4.2 miles east (Resinville motels rate second-most ‘seedy’ in the Highlands after the town of Beaner).
Hangin’ in Couchlock
Beware the deep but hypnotic port of Couchlock, which invites travelers to extravagant comforts, the confines from which many never leave. It is here that explorer G. H. Duke made the epic discovery ages ago of an indigenous mountain people who had been seemingly stuck in Couchlock and consuming entertainment and a high-calorie diet for generations. “I cannot move,” he wrote. “I wish only to chill, and to eat chips.” Best way to depart? Float down the Lazy River.
The Braincloud Balloon Races
Hop in a Rozière and join the annual balloon races in Braincloud. While the competition gathers the highest floaters around, most don’t climb more than about 50 feet.
Peakin’s Peak (and Gifts)
This mountaintop village touts literary and artistic expression, as well as a quaint giftshop. Most notably, it was the birthplace and home of former poet laureate Lord Cannyson, whose statue stands in town square. The esteemed historical figure is beloved by the townsfolk, many of whom lived through the tribulations he wrote about. Most infamous is the Charge of the Lightron Brigizade, which, in labored verse, laments the unfortunate drought and ensuing brickweed epidemic of the mid-50’s:
“Forward the Lightron Brigizade!”
Was a cadet no high’r than the floor?
They knew the bud was kind of poor
Theirs not to spark
Theirs not to break apart
Theirs but to puff and pass,
Around the circle, smaked the six cadets.
People often ask, do you really enlist a dedicated group of enthusiasts to test and review products? The answer is, yes. Yes, we do.
CannaCritiques weren't always known as CannaCritiques. Back when we first launched, we actually hired the Kind Reviews guys to review bud from around town, in exchange for...yep, you guessed it, more bud. For a while, their photographer Ty continued to shoot photos for us while running his own Cannabis Encyclopedia -- but eventually we took everything in house, remaking the unique look of our microphotoraphy completely. By now we've reviewed hundreds of the best product in the world -- all thanks to a trusty team of CannaCritics. Peruse our huge online collection HERE.
Our finest moment? The first year that the High Times Cup came to Denver, we were ready. Our CannaCritiques testing partner at the time, Herbal Synergy, was one of two chosen to run all of the submissions. We arrived at Charlie's lab, a loft in the Highlands, to find it completely covered in bags of the best cannabis at the time. There was simply too much to try. It led to one of the largest CannaCritic testing parties we've ever thrown, on the eve of the first American High Times Cup (following the end of an era in Amsterdam).
Cannapages publishes an estimated 10 million coupons every issue -- and that's in print alone! Our signature 5-special coupon pages make it easy to find the deal that suits you. Find those closest to you HERE.
Coupons are just one part of the Cannapages buffet of deals! Ready to jump for fast-moving specials? Check out our newest site, Cannasaver.com.
Did you know? The CANNAPAGES editors were calling dispensaries for deals and posting them online as early as our launch in January 2010! Back then, to ask about deals usually threw people off, a fairly unfamiliar concept. It wasn't long before Westword Magazine, and a whole myriad of now-defunct sites popped up like MMJ Daily Deals, Connect2Cannabis and others, all doing the same thing. You, our readers, are part of our history too, as users of the first CANNASaver™ Coupons.
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