Chiefers Come Back to Crush Rivals 7-6

Dispatches from the Highlands

News from CannaTown
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The CannaTown Chiefers came back from a stunning deficit at Friday night’s game to clobber their sworn rivals, the Crackling Beaners of Shwagberry. Even with 4:20 left on the clock, it looked like the Beaners had locked the game at 6-0. But in the last moment, Quarterback Braggerton Butts (3 for 75, 17 yards) found Colt Harrison (1 for 31) in the end zone. Then kicker Hardy Farkelson, riding confidently on his career-high 2 field goals last year, actually got the ball to go through the uprights once more.
   The game had sparked like any other - with both teams searching for the ball after kickoff. The next three plays proved that Butts is back in the game (after his lighter-thumb injury) as he seldomly dropped the ball more than once on the same play. His interceptions also fell to a respectable low of just 36, in the first half. Even fewer of those were hand-off interceptions.
   But for all of Butt’s big moves, the Chiefers still lacked control, dominated by the over-powering rivals. At one point, Beaner running back Justice Falgren (21 yards, this season) took advantage of the entire Cannatown defense, and literally walked-in his touchdown while they checked out a bullfrog on the field. It was only Beaner kicker Willy Torkus’ signature failed extra point that finally slowed the fast-paced momentum just long enough for Chiefers to pull off the upset victory.



Former QB Brody addresses Canngress inre: “Inflategate”

Tim Brody, former hotshot quarterback of the Resinville Steems, faced intense scrutiny as he testified before a Canngressional Committee to address the use of performance-altering cannabis.
  Brody, who threw a science-defying 19 for 27 passes, scoring 3 touchdowns in just one game last year, must produce documented evidence of everything smaked during the hallmark season, or risk losing his glass Super Bowl. Brody contends that he did use the cannabis, as required by gaming law, and that his stats were just abnormally high. “He’s accused of inflating the numbers, that he’s counting more bowls than he packed,” said commissioner Bob Ryan. If found guilty, Brody would have to clean the bongs of the entire team he wronged, all 99 members of the Ganja Gulch Purgers. “I just hope to God he’s telling the truth, added Ryan. “For his own sake.”

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