Genie: Wishing for More Wishes Must End

Genie: Wishing for More Wishes Must End

March 25, 2021

After a serious of unfortunate wish transactions, local genie Shivvasnu The Great is in negotiations with area legal firm Waters & Steems, LLP to draft an exemption for the “Wishing For Other Wishes” loophole. 

“In this economy? It’s just not feasible,” Shivvasnu said. “This is a commission-based job and, after all this COVID bullshit? I’ve got genie mouths to feed. There’s got to be a better way.” 

Lead attorney Rezzy Waters is in full agreement. 

“Shivvasnu provides an invaluable service for this community,” Waters told Dispatches. “You want some paninis? You go to Panera Bread. You want a notarized genie to grant your wish for Billie Eilish tickets, or for your ex-husband to get spontaneous chlamydia? You go to Shivaasnu.” 

When the pandemic hit, the popularity of people using their wish to demand infinite wishes only grew more popular.  

“No matter how you slice it, that’s just unethical conduct,” said Waters. “Do you bring a suitcase and a sleeping bag into the local Chinese Buffet and forward all your mail there just because it says “All You Can Eat” out front without a time limit? No. Because we live in a society.” 

Like so many Americans in the COVID era, Shivvasnu The Great has hit hard times. 

“I’ve got a wife. I’ve got little Genie daughters. I was put on Genie furlough for the first few months and still haven’t received the Unemployment Benefits I applied for,” Shivvasnu said.

“Genies are people too! Don’t judge us by our pointy shoes, or our bedazzled headwear and elaborate pants. Wishes are my work, and wishes are all I know. But to be taken advantage of in this Economy? I just can’t do it anymore. Which is why I went to Rezzy Waters.”

“We’re determined to give Mr. The Great all the safety and protections he deserves,” said Waters. “To paraphrase the Book of Matthew, ‘Whatever you do for the least of the Genies, you do unto me.” And we here at Waters & Steems will make sure Shivvasnu is treated fairly and properly.” 

Despite all the “loophole Capitalists” as he calls them, Shivvasnu is optimistic about the future. 

“After COVID, there’s nowhere to go but up right? I mean, the vaccine’s on the way and that new Dune movie is coming out soon,“Shivvasnu said. “Hopefully this is just a rough patch for the Genie community and we’ll bounce back.” 

“Wishes are my life,” Shivvasnu said. “My only wish is that the community would start respecting mine.”