Local Man Warns Neighbors About "Gorgamorfin"

Local Man Warns Neighbors About "Gorgamorfin"

May 26, 2022

There’s a slight lilt of unease tonight in the town of Shwaggerton, after a leaked report sparked a community-wide publicity push to warn residents about a giant, ratty monster spotted lurking in the wooded area to the west. Led by activist and local sasquatch nut Derrick Rickens, the campaign has swept the area, causing local leaders to raise a marginally-heightened alert.

Word first let slip of a “sighting” that had first gone unreported in local news. But once it was well-known around smaker's circles, reports of other sightings began pouring in.  

According to the report, an unnamed man was walking his dog in the woods after smaking a gigantic heap of Tangilope, when he he witnessed a glowing monstrous apparition crawling through the trees, shrieking and ominous. The man ran for his house, became lost, then ran through the neighborhood, believing the monster was chasing him. It wasn’t until hours later that he realized the only thing chasing him was his dog.

He later described the ghoul to an artist, whose rendition was printed on posters that Mr. Rickens himself hung across town. 

Rickens labeled the beast "Gorgamorfin" and claims it terrorized his buddy's farm animals. He also "found" tracks up on Budder Hill. “They’re not like any tracks we’ve ever seen,” admitted Ranger Lydia Jones. “It’s as if someone was carefully stepping atop deer tracks, in size-11 shoes with medium-tread.”

“It’s somewhat terrifying to consider,” Jones said. “At least, alone in the dark.”

“After extensive research, we concluded there likely is no Gorgamorfin, and that Rickens is likely mis-referencing the 'Demogorgon' from Stranger Things,” the city announced in a press release. Yet, officials say they are slightly monitoring the situation. 

“I think we’re all a little high from that haze wax,” added Jones, “so although they’ve mostly ruled out the Gorgamorfin, it's probably best to walk in pairs and carry flashlights. Especially when blazed.”