New Budget Bill Enables Launch of "Spaced Force" New Budget Bill Enables Launch of "Spaced Force"
December 24, 2019

New Budget Bill Enables Launch of "Spaced Force"

With narrow passage of another Cannatown budget, shutdown of the city has been staved off another six months, while City Council “makes some calls.” Meanwhile, the new spending bill has sparked a whole new controversy with its funding for a completely new group: the Spaced Force.

"Basically, these guys will be stationed around, and just kinda spaced-out," said Department of Derpsense Director Kathy Hobbs, who said Mission Control will be a picnic blanket in Keeferson Park for the time being. “You may see some spacing-out near the local drum circle. And others will be spaced-out at the mall. But do not be alarmed. They're trained highly." 

"And I mean that, they're totally ripped to shreds," Hobbs added, speaking to a group of reporters from Fort Lambsbread last Thursday after the vote.

The force will sit and stare, take haphazardous walks through the forest, play video games, miss their bus stops, and generally graze the snack aisles of your convenience store. If approached, they likely will not assist, as they are taught to ignore 99% of stimuli, with a razor sharp focus on nothing at all. They are also likely to be uncontrollably whimsical.

“When we look toward the future, we recognize the need to maintain a distant place of peace, meditation and zone-out, in order to monitor the turbulent world around us,” Hobbs said. “These individuals can completely check out of reality and surf opposite planes of the universe for a while, until it’s a comfortable time to pop back in.”

“This isn’t just about getting high. This is about getting really, really high.”

There was some initial resistance to the force, as citizens demanded to know the true purpose of the new outfit, and asked where the extra bud money would come from. “Thankfully, as with anything else our Department wants, we just print some money, and then send our IOU to a bank," said Hobbs. "And as usual, the banks were totally cool with it.”

Pictured above: Cadets from the newly formed Space Force space the f-out in Terpshire Square.


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