Program Finds Cadets a Circle to Cheef

Dispatches from the Highlands

News from CannaTown
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It's only three weeks into the holiday season, and already local foundation Angel Cheefers has their hands full.

Already, 420 cadets have found circles across Cannatown to roast with this season, many of whom will share in a munchies feast thereafter as well. Sometimes the program can even match recipients by their strain or ingestion preferences. For instance, Mya Bryant of Shwagsburg is used to mid-grade beasties. She prefers good bud but can't dab or use a steamroller without explosively vomiting. It's embarrassing to even ask for donated puffs from circles she passes without walking away ashamed. This year she was comfortably paired with an elderly couple that likes to roll joints. "Its perfect," she says, relieved, "I even brought my own roach clip." Without the Angels, she says, there'd only be buzzkill in her stocking.

"I just didnt know how I was going to get blazed this year," says Fred Winston, another applicant who is down on his luck, and, worse, has no nearby friends or family holding, much less, ready to share. "Thankfully the Angel Cheefers have me covered." Sometimes, the offer to cheef can blossom into a beautiful relationship. "We're still waiting for Mitch to move off of our couch from last year," says one charitable giver, Charles Finney. He and his fiancée Matilda have been volunteer circle hosts each year now, and say that, despite the occasional unwanted roomates, they will never stop participating in Angel Cheefers because kind souls once helped them.

"I'll never forget," recalls Finney, "I was visiting family in Squaresville years ago, so desperate for a chance to smake that I went for a walk in the cold to search for ditchweed. A car I walked by rolled down its windows and smoke billowed out, and two very cheefed-out fellas asked if I needed to hotbox quick. I said yes please and thanked them for the yuletide miracle. And I remember thinking, some day I want to be a cheef angel for another poor bastard, just like those guys."

"Part of me believes they really were angels," he adds.

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