September Cannascopes

Dispatches from the Highlands

News from CannaTown
Printed bi-monthly in CANNAPAGES Print directory
$4.20 Cents

Discover Your Fortune!

Aries - So you want to become the Johnny Appleseed of cannabis. There's no reason that the Unemployment Office should be angry. 

Taurus - You will dress up the lone survivor of your rabbit-scoured garden, Zuccini Henry, in googly-eyes and top hat, and spare his life. 

Gemini - The difference between you and a real lumberjack is, real lumberjacks chop down wood, not other stuff made from wood .

Cancer - You're still a little distracted because you can't stop thinking about how cheap the store was selling that mince meat.

Leo - It's times like these that you wish you hadn't driven off the mountainside and gnawed your own leg off to get free from the wreckage.

Virgo - Like a rose on a cloud, the souring funk of your basket-dried clothes will pierce the aroma of the pigsty you just awoke in.

Libra - As you hug the leaves in wonder of Autumn, you'll be horrified to find they are all, in fact, big freaking slugs, and not leaves.

Scorpio - This week be prepared to exchange that Blanquette de Veau, red Bordeaux and gâteau Basque for a ham and cheese Lunchable. 

Sagittarius - Friends don’t push friends out of moving cars, then make love to their spouse and burn their house down.

Capricorn - You’d be a lot higher if you saw the bowl as half-packed instead of half-cashed all the time.

Aquarius - This might be the skunk rosin talking, but your mullet is not complimented in any way by those horizontal pinstripes.

Pisces - The only thing worse than blazedly ripping off a scab you mistake for a giant bug, is doing it again 45 minutes later.

More Dispatches

News in Brief: Real Moves ID Deadline Approaching

News in Brief: Real Moves ID Deadline Approaching

January 29, 2020

Real Moves ID Deadline Coming Up Soon
Ready or not, the need…

Point-Counterpoint: Married Edition

Point-Counterpoint: Married Edition

July 17, 2020


Album Notes - Okilly Dokilly - Howdilly Twodilly

Album Notes - Okilly Dokilly - Howdilly Twodilly

April 16, 2019

Alright, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "We finally got some mid-fi new wave…

Sign up

Removing Forum Post

Are you sure?

You must be logged in, in order to check out. The login button below will redirecct you back to this menu once done.

Your Order

Are you sure you wish to cancel your order?

What time will this order be ready?

Coupon Adjust