In a new study published by the Institute of Higher Minds (formerly the Drum Circle of Whimsy-Butter Hill), it appears your dreams are likely from the future. "They're like, visions of the future, but like, everybody's future," the report says. "Whatever you see will happen, if not to you, then someone else, maybe a million years from now. Or years ago."
The findings shed new light on a mystery that has baffled those from scientists to philosophers. If the Institute's conclusions are true, each dreaming soul experiences global-scale, Jungian-hallucination-powered time travel when sleeping. "We actually get exported like files to a prodigious, distant hivemind in deep space," the researchers reported.
Although the study draws many themes that could be construed as a mish-mash of iconic plotlines from The Matrix and Dune, it makes mention of neither. If real, it does pose stark implications; if dreams will come true, anyone could unexpectedly fly, or show up in public without pants on.
"This theory should freak everybody out," says local sleep doctor Eve Burkett. "Can you imagine being chased in real life by a 15-foot donut? It could happen. Maybe it already did."
According to the paper, unicorns and more exist on another plane, and dreams show us where these two planes will someday meet. It even speculated that lucid dreamers could potentially change reality--even by conjuring a sasquatch rock band or bringing back your prom date to serve dinner.
"For those who want to call the findings bolderdash," says Institute Director Dywanda Funksmith, "we say, sleep on it."
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