30 OVER 30: Middle-Aged Thousandaires
As Cannatown settles in for a strange time “between pandemics,” there are bright spots on the landscape. Literally tens of them. The 30 young gamblers, part-timers, live-at-homers, and failed investors featured in our annual 30 Over 30 offer a fleeting glimpse of hope, and it ain’t much. Some aren’t defying the odds or improving themselves; others are battling with terrible habits, and discovering new scams. This year, most of them had to set up their own cameras at home to submit portraits--due to the pandemic.
Glenda Felberger - Compulsive Gambler
Meet Glenda Felberger, 39. Despite countless setbacks, including one record-setting 48 overdraft fees in a row, Glenda has persevered, accumulating a sizeable fortune by stuffing casino winnings under her mattress over the course of several years, and forgetting about it. Following a short-lived sandwich artist career that led her into multi-level marketing of miracle juice, Felberger doubled her fortune one weekend in Vegas, when she converted nearly half her fortune into nickels and won almost $225. She first made it into the Thousandaires Club in 2019, when a tax return bumped her briefly up and over the mark--but it was quick-lived as she immediately spent it on an inflatable hot-tub. "My motto is, maybe I saved the receipt but I probably didn't, so go ahead and pour me another cosmo," she said. "I said pour me another freakin' cosmo!"
Terry Burns - Sole Partner, Burns LLC
One of the oldest youngest investment partners at Burns LLC, where she led investments in things like popcorn, and joists, and has attended board meetings for Borky's Shrimp Shack, Burns, 33, doesn’t seem like the kind of person with less than $3,000 in personal assets--but you’d be wrong. Despite sitting on the board of the nonprofit Geniuses in Slippers, which teaches coding skills to cross-eyed computer-stupid stoners from shwag-ravaged communities, and a degree in Computer Science from the CannaTown Technical School, Burns typically lives check-to-check and is only 'up' this week because she unloaded a bunch of her dad’s old golf glubs on eBay, netting her enough for rent and a little splurging money. But she’s mentioned that the fortune is likely temporary. “I should pay off that electricity bill,” she says, “but now that I work from home I also have my mind set on a massage chair.”
Marty Bowen - Gas Station Shift Manager
At 38, Marty Bowen should not be working at gas station full time, not when there are plenty of other good jobs around. So says Marty’s mother, Justine, who will sometimes stop by the Phillips 66 station where Marty works throughout the day, just to buy gum, gripe and sneer. “I hate it when she comes in here,” Marty says, “But I’ve also looked at the numbers, and she’s our best customer.” It’s a strange relationship, with Bowen’s dingy, tiny apartment just minutes from his mother’s aging abode, where he often takes advantage of functional laundry and plumbing. Over the course of time, he’s saved nearly $1750 in loose change, stored in trashbags, since he’s overdrafted and closed nearly every bank account he’s ever owned. But he seems unphased. "If I didn't have my bong and huge satchel of Durban Poison, I’d be having a mid-life crisis right now.”
Remy Williams - Entrepreneur
It’s fair to say that Remy Williams has always been affluent: he’s the heir to the Gargzeta-Bongaza Goo-Balls Corporation, makers of fine goo-balls and edibles. That’s not to say he’s without a sales gene. He demonstrated entrepreneurial skills from an early age, and graduated top of the Slinging department at CU. His unfortunate life-changing fall from grace came when Williams, high on life, and some Alaskan Thunderf*ck, decided to sink his entire life savings into Cannatown's first-ever School for Porpoises. He soon learned that there were no porpoises in Cannatown, or in the greater high desert Sensemilla Valley; they didn't occur naturally, nor did anyone keep them as pets. In fact the school turned out to be the first ever of its kind in the country, yet nobody came for obvious reasons. Resilient, Williams kept the lights on and sat alone at the front desk, waiting for days, then a few years. Finally, at age 37, accepting it had been a bad idea, he shut it down, and walked away with about $4500 left to his name. "At least I have all these clothes from the gift shop," he said, "and the Gargzeta-Bongaza Goo-Balls."
MORE 30 OVER 30 - Find our Full List of Average People
From all walks of life, from all areas of the cannaworld. Go online for our full list of middle-ground "winners," who, despite all odds, have somehow scraped together a couple thousand dollars, such as these fine people:
Greg Talbot (35) - Quit college after three years in engineering, now works as a canoe and kayak guide, living in a nearby R.V.
Jen McGregory (36) - She's been working in H.R. for a long time, and that's just the real story, she honestly never takes vacations.
Ned Teasley (32) - Teasley's bookie and missing dog will be happy to hear he's finally seeing profits from his beer brat stand.