An unsparked spliff found at the intersection of Holcombe and Grand Avenues in Roacheo has itself sparked a quest to find its rightful owner, and, in the chance of its true orphanage, the rightful person who should otherwise spark it themselves.

Although mum at first, it wasn't long before news of the abandoned doobie had reached the locals by storm, with a plurality of the suburb's citizens jamming switchboards by phone to lay claim to the J for days. It was locked away and heavily-guarded, 24-7.

The first at the scene had been Bartelby Jones, a town gossip who happened to “find” the spliff at the corner Tuesday morning at the bus stop. Another laying claim to the pre-roll, Vincent McGillicuty, says the bus stop is in front of his house and therefore the item of interest is likely from his stash. And yet another, Esmerelda Cutler, filed a formal request for custody of the spliff, even though she’s never been to this side of town and is only visiting for RoachFest this weekend from Steem's Point. There were plenty others. 

“Obviously somebody out there is probably pretty concerned about this little spliff,” Cheef Officer Caititia Pendleton initially reported. “Everyone can see, it’s extra plump. And stanky.”

The Save the Spliff campaign did very poorly as far as recruitment, until changing name to Save the Spliff for Me. The movement quickly amassed one hundred thousand followers, each eager to smake the joint only to themselves despite its girth. 

The city and particularly, its council, have also laid claim to the rolled flower. Friday, a local magistrate clarified that any entity could be appointed legal guardian and keeper of the joint by the city judicial system, and in doing so, announced that he would undertake such a laborious burden. An immediate appeal to an even higher court led to a decision that all those in the vicinity could partake together of said joint, if consumed equally in a circle--a decision well-received by all parties. An even higher appellate decision will determine who has legal right to spark of it.

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Unsparked J Found at Holcombe & Grand

In 2021, Dr. Dog issued a statement saying they would no longer tour but made it clear, "this is not a break up or anything like that." Still, fans wondered what their future might hold. Two weeks ago, the Philly favorites announced a new album coming in July and first since 2018. In honor of this glorious news, let's take a look at some of what the two main songwriters have done in the interim. 

Guitarist Scott McMicken released Shabang last March, credited to him and THE EVER-EXPANDING. Less than 13 months later, he and an intentionally different THE EVER-EXPANDING return with a seven-track, 35-minute session recorded in one shot, befitting its name. When It's Happening dropped five days before the Dr. Dog announcement, and while much of it is as engrossing as many Dog tunes, it nestles into a unique spot among McMicken's output: a chill-out space that sounds unlike anything else he's done or that from his fellow tunesmith in 2022.

Bassist Toby Leaman's Military Applications EP is one track and eight minutes shorter than Scott's latest, but while When It's Happening can warm you to sleep, Military Applications serves as a welcome pick-me-up to get you going. The opening bounce of "Spooked the Kooks" coupled with Toby's distinct voice instantly draws you back into the Dr. Dog world and their catalog full of great summer jams. 

However brief, these albums can help satiate hungry Dr. Dog fans who undoubtedly have July 19 circled on the calendar.

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