Freakin' murder hornets, right?

Freakin' murder hornets, right?

May 7, 2020

Man can you believe it? I was honestly starting to think it couldnt get any freakin’ weirder around here, but then, call on the murder hornets! Holy fudge in a meat packer! Holy whipped-cream on a shagbark log! What the fjord is going on? Is this, like, some horseman of the apocalypse? Have you seen these things? They’re the size of, like, a baseball! Freakin’ murder hornets!

Cue the Yellowstone explosion! We’ll all have to vote by text! 

Holy five-spot yo! Have you seen those pincers? Mandibles of death, the stuff nightmares are made from! Fudge if I’m going to put up with murder hornets. I never panic-bought anything up to this point--except maybe a couple extra boxes of egg rolls and some chocolate Entenmann’s donuts-- but man, the second I saw the murder hornet video I ran out and picked up as much wasp spray that I could order! 

And dudes! I live in an apartment! I bought that shit just to carry with me on my person! It’s my right! Right? 

I honestly don’t know, can you just like, carry that stuff around?

I guess the news just hit me so hard, that’s why I haven’t been around the last couple of days. It just became a bad cycle, all I could do was get high, and think about the hornets. High, think about hornets. High, just thinkin’ about hornets. And pictured them like, biting on to my hand while stingin’ it over and over again, throwing me into some kind of anaphylaxis. I couldn’t think of anything else, and then…suddenly I was like, oh crap, I’m totally out of ganj!

Man I tore apart the place, for anything to smake, the whole time, fearing all the murder hornets, like, devouring us whole, man--I think I was havin’ a panic attack about the murder hornets! And then out of nowhere, as real as I am to you right now, some cartridges fall out from where I used to keep my hand-vape. Cartridges! I thought they were empty but they had like 20 puffs, just enough to get me through til’ morning!

Man the sun shone down on my shitty life, yo. Right when I needed it most. And if it weren't for those little moments these days I probably wouldn't realize how freakin lucky I am. Right dudes? 

But fudge those hornets.