So guess you saw they're changin' over Sierra Mist to Starry? Pretty random, right? Well guess what, I think it's part my fault. I shit you not brethren. See I was part of this group where they put us all together in a room and we talked about sodas for four hours. And damn! Boring as shit y'all! I was gettin all fed up about the second hour especially when this granny was goin' on something about how much she drinks Fanta and misses her cat, and this other guy said the exact same damn thing, only he was missin' his wife. Four hours!

So by the time they came to Sierra Mist, I just about lost my mind. I just let them have it. For like, ten straight minutes I just cussed their heads off about that terrible soft drink. And I was already riled up anyway because I was between satchels so I told them, I'd rather put that shit in the bong than drink it.

They seemed a little bit hurt about the bong thing.

Then I pointed out how there's no way of telling what kind of fruit goes into that shit! Like, is it some kinda melon?

They were speechless, so then I was like, "Look, when I drink this shit, I close my eyes and see stars," probably because of the gnar wax all day long, so they should name it "Starry." And whata we do with all the old Sierra Mist shit, they asked. And I was totally like, “Just print freakin’ Starry, out on some freakin' labels, and wrap that shit over them. Ain't nobody complaining about lack of Sierra Mist and all." 

And the group of people rubbed their chins and talked all quiet to themselves and I was like, you know I got this. These arms throw mad discs down at the Tower Ridge course. And this mind? It's impeccable. The other day I was keeping up with the last-place contestant on Jeopardy! And I was like, even though I’m not a mad genius, you realize, I could, like, be on Jeopardy! Unless they don’t let you use your phone.