Hey homies, remember that one time we were cheefing out in my garage, and we lined up all those huge shiny metal pieces of junk in the corner? My memory is hazy but I’m pretty sure after the third or fourth time packin’ the steam roller, we came up with that hilarious scheme to just, like, drive them all over the place, like, all over the world, and just leave drop them off in random places--so that I wouldn’t have to get a dumpster? I don’t know if I ever told ya, I literally went around and like, did that!

And now, I don’t know if you saw, dudes, but I think people have been finding my monoliths.

Yea, Tessmer and I rolled a fattie after that mad cheefing session, and he has that giant truck, so we packed up all that crap, and a rusty old washing machine from his basement. At first we were just going to like, leave them all over the neighborhood, but then we realized we’d probably rack up a ton of fines, totally lame. So instead, we just hit the road! Yea, all of a sudden, without even thinking about it. Just start driving around the place, like, around the country, with a truck full of junk. 

And every time we stopped we’d just take out one of those huge pillars of pure metal, and just like, stand it up.

I don’t know what came over me, but I’d really been meaning to get rid of all that stuff, and it felt totally worth blowing the rest of the money from that trust from when the moving company crushed my toe. At first we intended to keep em’ in the country, but then we accidentally drove onto this, like, boat, and we ended up going all over a bunch of other continents, after we finally reached a dock that could, like, hold a semi. 

And can you believe it? People are crazy about these things!

First of all, if I only knew how popular freakin’ monoliths were, I wouldn't have, like, spent all that gas money! People could’ve just pilgrimaged to my duplex. And no matter what, looks like some wackos keep taking ’em down! I could’ve just put up a sign that said “Free Monoliths” in my yard and I’ll bet a whole cult of metal-lovin’ weirdos would’ve taken care of the whole damn pile! It almost sounds so stupid it probably would’ve worked!

Well, what’re you gonna do, right? I mean, who would I even call up and say, hey, all those monoliths are like, from my garage?