Museum Opens Exhibit of Famous Dankmatician Steve Einstein

Museum Exhibit Celebrates Work of Dankmatician Steve Einstein

March 4, 2020

After decades of ownership by a slew of private collectors, a new cache of items used by historic genius Steve “The Camptstein” Einstein have been inducted into the CannaTown Museum of Science and Cannatechnology. At a ceremony Saturday, Einstein’s notebook, cheefing jacket, and shards of his laboratory bubbler were on display for the public, along with other legendary office items including his giant bean bag chair and extensive Wesley Willis record collection.

Steve, lesser-known brother of Albert Einstein, established his own recognized Theory of Dankativity after parting ways with his brother. The two had famously disagreed on what caused inertia--Steve argued that the answer, simply, was ‘Kush’-- and insisted on moving into different sciences.

He was infamous for camping on bowls. Once, it was reported, he spent three full nights camping, bowl in hand, only breaking from his trance to jot a few notes down, then camped again for a week. It would have been the kind of thing that sent cadets in his age straight to the institution for a mental exam -- or at least, got you skipped in the circle -- except that this type of behavior was typical of him. “You couldn’t pass to ol’ Campstein unless you were cool with pausing the circle-smake for at least a day,” said local historian Dana Charonic at the ceremony.

   Often criticized sharply for his terrible “habit,” it was only after his death that dankness experts began to realize just how many calculations he’d been making every time he camped. 

“Most of his research just involved him sitting there, in deep thought,” Charonic noted. 

Over time, Campstein found less friends and circles to smake with despite his growing following of scientific dabfellows. He told those few remaining that he was close to unveiling the ultimate theory on dankness, something that would “replace the Berjiggity Scale,” the potency measurement system developed during the Dark Ages, modified and passed down even into modern times.    

“Berjiggity didn’t factor in space-out-time,” said Peter Skeedz, Professor of Dankage at CTU at the induction. “Campstein was proposing a whole new spectrum of dankness levels like Dankapotumus, Stanka Dank Dank, Gnar Gnar Binks, and even Intergalactic Emergency, considered the highest level of dankness possible in the given universe.”

His penultimate contribution to science, the equation D=SC^2 (Dank = (Shwag x camp)^2), showed the significance of the camp in establishing nuggersh dankness. Each bowl of smake was reduced to its basic shwag level as common denominator. The crowning achievement was what he called the “Nuggies Constant,” which turned out to be the number two. “It took a decade,” he admitted in his notebook’s final entry, “but I finally plugged in my lucky number and it worked.”

The equation and notebook, released a year before his death 20 years ago, became an icon and rallying cry for other dankology experts. He was able to witness only the beginning of the movement he sparked, which went on to inspire several schools of Dankthought. In droves, groups tried to recreate his camping experiments in their own laboratory settings. Curriculums and textbooks were written. Seminars and industry trades, launched. 

Now, with an exhibit celebrating his life’s achievement, scholars feel the theory has come full-circle into cultural acceptance. “Technically new math such as Dinkle Dank Theory has given rise to higher, abstract levels of Dankness, but technically none of those have been observed.” Skeedz said. “Campstein still stands out as one of the greats, if not the Greatest.”

Local icon and proprietor Bertrand “Purp” DePurp is one of a small minority that disagrees with the science. Purp, adjunct professor of Purpology at CTU issued a counter-statement to the newspaper at the event. “If it looks like purp, and smell like purp, smakes like Purp, it’s Purp,” he said. “Hands down, we never needed no dank scale tellin’ me what’s the most euphorious nug in the world. For that, I got me a nose and two eyeballs.”

Purp added that he’s been working on his own Purp Theory, and a device he called the “Hoobie-Danker.”