Recession Coming, Rich Asshat Tells People Living in Tent City
A recession is coming, an annoying, obviously unaware asshat announced at a solo press conference in the middle of the tent city on Dro Boulevard yesterday. Although uninvited, the bastard in a suit gathered approximately zero watchers during his thirty minute address, in which he warned, things are about to get tough next year.
“It’s gonna be hard to afford a home, much less rent,” the stiffbent jerkoff announced, “and grocery bills are going to start adding up! Be prepared to cut some non-essential things from your life, like that two week vacation to the Maldives, or your summer home in the Catskillz.”
The rich fudgepacker was likely referencing the economic downturn marked by a plummeting GDP, record inflation, mega-corporate profits, and housing and commercial real estate bubbles, all of which, he said, would likely begin affecting those living in tents and broken-down RV’s. And while the completely out-of-touch pissant warned that food security was at stake for all Americans, he reflected how the next couple of years would be the best times to make draws on equity or 401k’s to double-down on stock portfolios.
“Take this time to prepare for the worst,” the shitbrained prick said in the near-deserted encampment.
“Is that f*cker using a Powerpoint?” sneered one passerby on her way to the local workforce center. “If I could afford some extra tomatoes I’d be chucking them at his head.”
Although the feckless forecaster couldn’t give an exact time that world commerce would come to a crashing halt, he did point out how it would be just as if the hose was turned off, much like the sole garden hose providing running water to the bivouac. “Just imagine, you put your kids through Yale with this hose, updated your yacht, maybe even put in a second pool-- and all of a sudden it's turned off," he said, "No one will be spared."