Unsparked J Found at Holcombe & Grand

Dispatches from the Highlands

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An unsparked spliff found at the intersection of Holcombe and Grand Avenues in Roacheo has itself sparked a quest to find its rightful owner, and, in the chance of its true orphanage, the rightful person who should otherwise spark it themselves.

Although mum at first, it wasn't long before news of the abandoned doobie had reached the locals by storm, with a plurality of the suburb's citizens jamming switchboards by phone to lay claim to the J for days. It was locked away and heavily-guarded, 24-7.

The first at the scene had been Bartelby Jones, a town gossip who happened to “find” the spliff at the corner Tuesday morning at the bus stop. Another laying claim to the pre-roll, Vincent McGillicuty, says the bus stop is in front of his house and therefore the item of interest is likely from his stash. And yet another, Esmerelda Cutler, filed a formal request for custody of the spliff, even though she’s never been to this side of town and is only visiting for RoachFest this weekend from Steem's Point. There were plenty others. 

“Obviously somebody out there is probably pretty concerned about this little spliff,” Cheef Officer Caititia Pendleton initially reported. “Everyone can see, it’s extra plump. And stanky.”

The Save the Spliff campaign did very poorly as far as recruitment, until changing name to Save the Spliff for Me. The movement quickly amassed one hundred thousand followers, each eager to smake the joint only to themselves despite its girth. 

The city and particularly, its council, have also laid claim to the rolled flower. Friday, a local magistrate clarified that any entity could be appointed legal guardian and keeper of the joint by the city judicial system, and in doing so, announced that he would undertake such a laborious burden. An immediate appeal to an even higher court led to a decision that all those in the vicinity could partake together of said joint, if consumed equally in a circle--a decision well-received by all parties. An even higher appellate decision will determine who has legal right to spark of it.
 

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