Mayor VanCannaby’s administration recently announced a rolling initiative to use hundreds of dollars in automatic student loan canncellation for over a half-thousand borrowers, characterizing the forgiveness as the largest, and weirdest in history. 

The settlement stems from a 2020 class action lawsuit, Sweet Leaf vs. Carts, which argued many borrower defense claims for the loan canncellation were being ignored by the Department of Overzealous BrainThwackers (DOOB). 

Defense to repayment is a program wherein the city government pays off your crappy debt to a crappy school. “Purp’s School of Fine Purp,” a for-profit college ran by small business proprietor and former adjunct professor at Cannatown University, Bertrand “Purp” DePurp, became notorious after collapsing under the weight of investigations into its activities. More than a dozen students first filed complaints, saying they were instructed to demand payment from anyone seen smelling purp, even in the wild. It wasn’t until graduates banded together for the class action suit that the college fell into ruin. "It was like a Ponzi scheme, call it a Purpzi scheme," said city attorney Kris Kristofferson. "When they stopped collecting for smells, the bottom dropped out."

“To tell the truth I did learn a lot,” said former student Kate Hendzel. “Like, how purp is a far superior flower due to its finely-bred constitution, and how smells ain’t free.” But it wasn’t until they tried landing jobs that most graduates realized they’d primarily been groomed and trained to work in Purp’s operation. Many of the skills, such as identifying and detaining a person sniffing the air for free smells, did not transfer to any other style of work in the industry. "In the end, I’d paid thousands, and for what?” asked another graduate. “I got to thinking near the end that damn, I could’ve just purchased like 10 pounds of purp for that price, and I probably would’ve been a lot happier, and high, and no worse off.”

Each graduate will also receive two free satchels of purp. Critics say it's not fair that they won't get eighths too, and the decision will likely be appealed. Mr. Purp could not be reached for comment.