Chai High Tea from Keen Greens

Chai High Tea from Keen Greens

January 17, 2015

Never in our history of reviewing edibles have we felt compelled to invoke the White Rabbit in any reviews - but that changed when Chai High Iced Tea came to town. Even those who avoid iced tea will want to try this one, if not for the delusional and utterly fantastic experience. No other “extreme” version of any Colorado beverage has the both mega-cannabinoids (~317 total mg in this case) and such actual punch. It might not conjure dreams of talking caterpillars or flamingo croquet, but that all depends on how much you drink.

  The combination, palate-wise, was a sort of hard-to-down, but an easy shooter for low-tolerance critics. Most of us decided to drink the whole bottle. It was 3 hours after lunch. 1st effects were felt within five minutes, after only a few swigs. Disoriented, we couldn’t help but fidget. A pacifying narcotic buzz set in, focusing levity at the back of the head. This grew, and grew, and grew.

  At even fifteen minutes past the initial swig, the high accelerated just like a heaving rip from a water pipe at full lung capacity. It was sudden and glorious. We’d only finished about half the bottle. Impressed by the speed and tenacity of the high, critics reported backwards syntax and failing depth perception. Twenty minutes felt like an hour. A few of us had to eat something. Like lambsbread upon virgin cannalips, she was essentially the cross-eyed sublimation that only comes after an eternal hiatus from cannabis is broken.

  Our only option was to chill out. The body took on several extreme sensations, from a revolution in the gut to visual lens-flares, pressure over the brow and widespread loss of control. It was even too overwhelming to inspire creativity. None of us could think analytically, much less go for a walk, not matter how much we needed the fresh air.

   Between 1 and 2 hours, the “holy crap” factor hit. It was stunning, invigorating, and so sudden that many of us were caught dead in our tracks. Some critics reported their visual world changing, others melted under a full body storm, swaying in the breeze. Time was no longer constant. We tried to express ourselves, or hide the impairment, but it was notable and severe.

  The powerful plateau did remain up to ten hours but was burned out and exhausted by the end. Connoisseurs can expect unstoppable munchies and an early bedtime, when taken during the afternoon. As for those who took only a few sips - they were “just the right amount of high” for “work, church, and all the other wrong places to be too-medicated.” Don’t even think of downing this stuff point blank with nothing in your stomach. Take a lesson from Alice and never drink the whole bottle without measuring effects of every gulp.