Meet Wifi Alien, also known as Wildfire Alien or as our critics like to call it: “Oliver Twist.” This fierce indica hybrid from Colorado’s own Chronic Therapy will blast you off into space and leave you begging “Please sir, I’d like some more.”
Our sample selection donned a fine crystalline coat of giant trichomes sparkling like diamonds, amidst a sea of cinnamon-red pistils, all with a refreshing scent of sugar-coated lemon zest. We could just as easily have packed without a grind, but it is highly recommended for the kief fallout alone. Packing a bowl felt like digging through sand with wet hands.
The spark ignited a strong cerebral rush, crossing the eyes and buzzing the face intensely--so hard that we had to stop and focus on breathing. Within 15 minutes, the madness was more contained, but as a gravitational wild card. Motor skills slowly recovered to about 50%, and we sat in a quiet daze of reflection.
That said, Wifi Alien unanimously turned us into space cadets in high orbit. Simple tasks--that should’ve taken no more than 3-4 minutes, like microwaving a Hot Pocket, ended up taking all day, or at least felt like it. It was difficult to walk without feeling like Neil Armstrong bounding in giant steps across the moon. However, the pain-alleviation was well worth the spaciness.
When the smoke settled, the munchies kicked into overdrive. We decided on Mini Reese’s, mint chocolate-chip gelato and the latest season of “The Walking Dead.” If you’re looking for a trip beyond the stratosphere to make up for a bad day at work, Wifi Alien is the ticket.