Local attorney Rezzy Waters now at risk of disbarment

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Rezzy Waters, Esq. is in deep trouble. The attorney, notorious in Cannatown for a nearly winless history of mishandled cases, now faces a slew of charges in cases filed this week in Resinville, Shwagsbury, and Dabbington. Things have gotten so bad that he may need to seek another profession once the smoke has settled. It is unclear how the new developments will affect his representation of local pariah, Egg Lady.

   Just as his colleague Woody Steems lost his license last spring over similar allegations, Waters is due to be disbarred after a record-setting failed attempt at representing a client. Using the pen and toilet paper at his stall, Waters had crafted a motion to throw out a default judgement at the very last minute, which he delivered after relieving his bowels, at about 4:30 in the afternoon. It was a risky move in an already touchy-case in which the defendant, absent in her initial response to the charges of bird fraud, made in appearance at the court just days prior to squawk at bystanders. It is also unknown how Waters came to represent Egg Lady at all.

  Judge Rosalyn Rosyn started the next day's hearing by chastising the attorney, not only for his method of delivery, but a whole career rife of last-minute pleas. “This particular request made only one legal reference -- involving the movie, The Pelican Brief -- and ended with apologetic groveling,” the judge noted, before issuing a special stay to allow the defense to choose different counsel, now a standard motion in most Waters-involved cases. Egg Lady did not comment on the situation, but acknowledged that she was "receiving mixed messages from the planet of 'Rapitor.'"

   Waters is best known for his knees-on-the-ground begging in court, as well as the coffee-down the shirt incident, in which he spilled coffee upon his suit and shirt, only to wear the same stained, unwashed clothes the very next day. Given his 0 -for-35 record in court over the last 2 years, the Cannatown Bar Association is considering an official revocation of Waters' license as early as this afternoon, as well as a public face-slapping.

   Critics argue that the unique nature of Egg Lady's own charges make things especially strange, given she is not a bird, and the eggs may not be hers.


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