City Council Re-Opens Cannatown Hole

Dispatches from the Highlands

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Through a strategic plan to stimulate the local community during these desperate times, City Council voted unanimously to reopen the old Cannatown Hole, exciting several bored-to-death citizens, while igniting a firestorm of debate. “What people need right now, is to dig, and dig deep,” said representative Ryan Stokes, who wrote the bill. "We needed the hole."

Amidst reports that residents, with no place to go, and nothing to do, were starting to dig their own holes all over the city, officials acted fast to unchain the gates to the hole, essentially a square mile of hilly, muddy landscape that closed down over five years ago in an effort to beautify the city. Now, with the economy in sudden downturn, "it only makes sense to preserve this one thing we all can agree on," Stokes said.

“We recognized the need for a public place for people to come together and dig, each in their own 6-foot plot.”

The added stimulus may not be enough. Critics are worried that some models show the hole might not be big enough to accomodate the entire population. Right now only the first-affected are out here digging, but "Mark my words, this will affect everyone," says town librarian Alice Jenkins, "and when we cross that bridge, we're gonna need a bigger hole.”

Others believe the hole is too big already. “It's irreversible,” says Greg Thorn, who lives next-door to the plot. “Bigger it gets, the less likely we'll ever fill it in. They shouldn't rush to reopen."

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