You're going to want to order the Chem Brulee. Named for rich custard, this melange of fantastic staple strains Platinum Kush, OG Kush and GSC (aka Girl Scout Cookies) is exactly the decadent cannabis dessert it sounds like. With heavy couch lock, cheesy-hash taste, and refreshing release, it's the exotic stress reliever most of us seek but never quite find. 

   The nugs were girthy and dense, not dry, not wet -- but cured to perfection with unforgettable cloak of resin. Her aroma was earthy, with pungent cheese undertones and spicy musk that exploded like the smell of fresh, "oozing spruce tree sap in the Spring." Carrying hints of nutmeg-- and distant tangerine-vanilla--the grassy essence was difficult to pinpoint by name, but pleasant and unique, and sticky on our fingertips.    

   The first spark gripped our full attention instantly, hoisting us to a towering precipice, with the whooshing body and struggle to balance that came with. The sudden, slick buzz sprawled us out, hit by the recoil of a shoulder-gripping throttle. Strongly and disorderly the pulsating grew, introducing a parade "psychedelic sensations" that had us frozen in our chairs until finally we could muster a "semblance of momentum" into a standing position and beyond.

   Our every step looked like some sort of freestyle ballet, impaired by significant laziness, but still focused. This allowed the least ambitious critics to follow actual storylines in TV shows, and more ambitious to do things like cardio workouts, believe it or not. Mind and body separated completely, even if the state of mind was a bit forced. Munchies were minimal for some but absolutely ravaged others in a wild pantry raid.

   "It’s a good strain to help study for a test," pined one critic, "though knowing me, I'd probably smoke a quick bowl before I took the test too." Ultimately she made an ideal convoy for exploring the depths of the soul, not the ends of the earth (we did not go far). Then again, with enough energy you might make it even through an aerobics workout, as long as you don't mind making a few very silly moves.