Stoned Nutz: The 2020 Strain Toolkit

Dispatches from the Highlands

News from CannaTown
Printed bi-monthly in CANNAPAGES Print directory
$4.20 Cents

After multiple days of failing to figure out my next Cannapages musing, I decided to ask my Twitter Family for suggestions. I got a lot of wonderful ideas but the one that really hit me came from @OpossumFather.

He suggested I write about the best strain for dealing with all the crap 2020 has thrown at us.

I personally think for we would need a tool box full of a few different strains depending on what we need at the moment. I mean seriously, the world has a serious case of schizophrenia going on and it would be unfair to ask one strain to help you through all this caca.

My favorite author is Sir Terry Pratchett and we could all learn so much about societal issues by exploring his Discworld. Studying the government of Ankh-Morpork could be very beneficial and offer some creative solutions in these troubling times. 

A city where there is a guild for everything. Yes, everything is a profession ruled by guilds that have principles, ethics and regulations. Not adhering to them came with consequences.

Like the “Thieves Guild,” where it is frowned upon to steal from the poor. Why? Well duh, that’s just rude. After all wealthy people can afford to replace what the thieves steal, they have insurance. Stealing from the poor--who don’t have insurance or the ability to replace it--just makes you an ass, and is not tolerated at the guild.

The “Beggars Guild” works with beggars and businesses to keep beggars out of sight and disgust of their patrons. Imagine businesses keeping the homeless beggars out of sight and mind for the more affluent population. That way people don’t know there is a homeless problem.

There is no murder in Ankh-Morpork that isn’t sanctioned by the “Assassins Guild” and no murder is done for free or without appropriate cause. It’s all on the up and up, completely legal.

Is there still crime in Ankh-Morpork? Well of course, no system is perfect but what little crime is committed, the wonderful City Watch will take care, if the guild leaders don’t get to the perpetrators  first.

Now how the heck did I get started on Terry Pratchett when I was trying to answer a question about best strain for the craziness we call life right now? Because as I look around the world today, well mainly the USA, I feel like I am in the middle of a Discworld story gone completely sideways. Please oh please, let our "Death" ride a horse name Binky and have such a wonderful sense of tact and humor.

At this moment there is one strain I would highly suggest in my 2020 Potemic Toolkit: Banana Mints. Little is on the web about this strain. One site claims it’s Indica. My dispensary called it a hybrid and it hits like a hybrid. I think probably 60/40 Indica dominant if not 50/50. This strain gave me the ability to deal with Thing 2’s political debates with calm and clear, well-thought-out counter arguments. Seriously I mopped the floor with his sassy, thinks he knows everything teenage butt.

What else?

  • Purple Fat Pie would be a must have. That’s another one that really gets the brain stimulated and you feel like you can take on anything this shit year throws your way.
  • Twisted anything. Well if the world is twisted get twisted with it. Seriously, I haven’t smoked anything twisted that didn’t help with my pain and completely relaxes every muscle in my body. Plus it cocoons you in a nice little happy bubble.
  • Skittlez would have to be in that toolkit too. Cause frankly there are some seriously annoying people out there. Skittlez helps me to not want to run up their pant leg and bite them in the ass.
  • Afghan Hash is a must-have. That way you can go out cool like Marty from Cabin In The Woods. When the world is tumbling down and mankind is going to hell, you can at least go out high, happy, and not giving a crap.   

All I can say is times like these I am so damn glad I am a friggin squirrel. You humans got issues!

 

More Dispatches

Album Notes - Whitney - Forever Turned Around

Album Notes - Whitney - Forever Turned Around

September 16, 2019

Four weeks ago I wrote how Bon Iver was retroactively assigning seasons to…

Album Notes - Nathaniel Rateliff - And It's Still Alright

Album Notes - Nathaniel Rateliff - And It's Still Alright

March 4, 2020

"Ain't it a drag babe?" Nathaniel Rateliff leads off his first post-success solo…

Numbed by unfolding events, a city turns to Disney+ and Call of Duty

Numbed by unfolding events, a city turns to Disney+ and Call of Duty

November 17, 2019

Cannatown’s gross domestic product has fallen to a new record low, according to…

Sign up

Removing Forum Post

Are you sure?

You must be logged in, in order to check out. The login button below will redirecct you back to this menu once done.

Your Order

Are you sure you wish to cancel your order?

What time will this order be ready?